The Lee Chronicles
by Chuint
Summary: Just a continuing series of drabbles about Team Gai. Rated just in case, pairings possibly in the future. LOTS of crack, and a bit of OOC.
1. In Which A Burrito is Made

**As the ideas come, I will write them. If you request something, I will try my best. No matter how random they may seem, they will be written if I like the idea. If I want to write something completely out of character for them, I will. Why? Because I am author. Hear me ROAR.**

Lee stared blankly at his teammates, whom were glaring in his direction. He continued his stare until his stomach grumbled. Tenten looked at him with sympathy, that is, she did before her own stomach grumbled. The two looked to Neji in silence. Finally, Neji's stomach growled.

"Can you cook, Lee?" Tenten looked to the spandex-clad boy. He shook his head.

"Can you cook?" Tenten shook her head at his question. The too looked to Neji once more, asking him silently with their eyes. The Hyuuga gave them a death-glare. They both looked at the ground.

"Can Gai Sensei cook?" Neji sounded annoyed. The three were dumbstruck by this question, not realizing that they had indeed been standing in Gai's living room. They had forgotten why.

"No, I cannot preform the youthful art of cooking!!" their eccentric teacher spoke loudly. Neji and Tenten sweat dropped while Lee pumped his fists into the air.

"Neji is not pleased..." his teammates and sensei sent him odd looks. Neji sent them another death-glare which prompted them to continue with their conversation.

"But..." Gai reached behind him and pulled out non-other than a microwave burrito from his pockets which he seemingly has hidden somewhere on that suit of his. "I DO HAVE THIS BURRITO!!"

Lee cheered and Tenten just stared at him like he was crazy. In reality she was fantasizing about eating said burrito.

"Do you have a microwave?" Neji's voice was quiet, effectively hiding his hunger.

"YES!! I do indeed have a microwave! A microwave...of YOUTH!!" Gai did a pose of complete awesomeness and Tenten knew nothing of what her sensei was speaking of. Lee squealed and Neji took the burrito.

"Take me to this 'microwave'." he fallowed Gai into the kitchen where they soon found that he did indeed own a microwave...a lime-green microwave with a sticker saying 'YOUTH' taped to it. Most of everything in Gai's house had a similar sticker stuck to it. Go figure.

"MICROWAVE!" Lee and Gai chanted at the same time as. Neji looked at the wrapper of the frozen burrito he still held. He saw no instructions on how one was supposed to cook this beany treat. He mentally stated that the team was indeed 'Screwed'.

"All is not lost." Tenten took the burrito from Neji, sometimes the girl seemed to be able to read his mind.

'_I am a taco...' _Neji thought quietly to test this theory. Tenten gave him an odd look.

"What makes you one?" Neji was now officially freaking out, and would never think about anything when near his female partner ever again.

Tenten began to glare at the burrito. The burrito continued to stay cold and uncooked. Tenten continued her glare. The burrito remain unscathed. She sighed, annoyed that her original plan had not worked, and placed the burrito in the microwave. The konoichi pushed some random buttons. A time came onto the small screen in the upper right-hand corner of the device, and she pushed the 'Start' button. Nothing happened, nothing except that the microwave smoked and the small screen went black. The four stood there, hungry and on the verge of devouring each other.

Lee roared in anger and his eyes began to burn with the passion of youth. Tenten stared at him for a few more moments before she opened the burrito, put it on a plate, and held it in front of Lee's bulbous eyes. Soon enough, the burrito was cooked and Team Gai had yet another problem.

How could four people eat one burrito, anyway?


	2. Kakashi vs Gai

Kakashi and Gai stood in front of each other. Gai had a determined look on his face as he tightened his fists. Kakashi was reading his book, looking like he didn't give a damn about what was going on. It looked as if they were standing in a park, and a bench sat next to them. On the bench sat Team Gai themselves. Neji looked bored, Tenten looked drowsy, and Lee looked like...well, Lee looked like Lee.

"This time I will DEFEAT YOU Kakashi!!!!" Gai dramatically pointed at Kakashi who continued reading. "I will defeat you're hip power with my own power...the power of YOUTH!!!!"

"YOSH!!! GO GAI SENSEI!!!" Lee cheered on his look-alike sensei. Neji sighed and Tenten was rudely woken up by Lee's screaming. Gai Sensei acknowledged his students encouragement with a gleaming smile, Kakashi remained unscathed.

"Let this game of Questions BEGIN!!!" screamed Gai as struck a rather dashing, if not disturbing, pose. Kakashi put away his book to better concentrate on the game. If you couldn't guess, it had been Gai's turn to pick the challenge.

**Kakashi:** "What game?"

**Gai:** "What game do you mean?"

**Kakashi: **"Why should I tell you?

**Gai:** "Why shouldn't you?"

**Kakashi:** "Why so much youth?"

**Gai:** "Why so little youth?"

**Kakashi:** "How do you know?"

**Gai:** "So, do you agree?

**Kakashi:** "Why should I?"

**Gai:** "What's that?" at this Gai pointed at Neji, whom gave him a death glare.

**Kakashi:** "Is it a Hyuuga?"

**Gai: **"Does it look like one?"

**Kakashi: **"Why wouldn't?"

**Gai: **"Why wouldn't what?"

**Kakashi: **"Why wouldn't it look like a Hyuuga?"

**Gai: **"Why not?"

**Kakashi: **"Why not what?"

**Gai:** "Couldn't you tell me?"

**Kakashi: **"Tell you what?"

**Gai: **"Why the mask?"

**Kakashi:** "Why the green?"

**Gai: **"Why not green?"

**Kakashi: **"Because it's stupid."

"I HAVE BEATEN MY ETERNAL RIVAL!!" Gai pumped his still clenched fists into the air is triumph. Kakashi blinked and pulled up his book again as he walked off, muttering something about how stupid green is and how that game was stupid as well.

"Gai Sensei!!! You beat Kakashi Sensei once more! You showed him your YOUTH!!" Lee ran to his sensei and had one of their 'special' moments with the magic sunset and ocean. Tenten, being as tired as she was, couldn't help but snicker at how wrong Lee's sentence had sounded and Neji contemplated killing the two Green Beasts, but put down the thought since it would be too much of a hassle to chase them down, let alone find a way to kill them. No matter what he tried those two would die.

They were like...like that piece of tape you though you threw away but then a week later you're walking around in the hallway with your friend and their all like 'What's that tape on your back?' and you peel the tape off and then you're all like 'I dunno, thought I threw this away, like, a week ago.' Yeah..they were a lot like that.


	3. LOTUS!

It was a peaceful day and Rock Lee was, for once, not training. He lay under a large tree and dozed. The poor kid had stayed up all night trying to fulfill some promise he made to Gai Sensei. Something about 'If he isn't able to eat the whole plate then he would run 50,000 laps around Konoha'. Either way, he wasnt training and that's not good. When Lee isn't training he tends to actually think, and thinking isn't something you would want to have some one like Lee doing.

Not that Lee is stupid or anything, he just tends to have questions wander into his mind. And when Lee has a question, it must be answered at all costs or else he risks not being 'youthful'.

The beast lay, pondering the universe and all it's complexity as quietly as he could manage. Neji and Tenten had told him not to make a sound, and they were but a few yards from him, enjoying the shade of a separate tree.

Lee's eyes shot open, a question he knew not of the answer had suddenly popped into that empty shell of a noggin he possessed. He turned to look at his teammates, Tenten noticed this and was getting ready to move somewhere else whilst poor Neji was dozing, oblivious to the danger.

Alas, it was not meant to be. Tenten was not fast enough to get out of there before the human rocket burst over to where she was seated. Neji woke from the nap he had been enjoying with a start, and hit his head against the side of the tree.

"W-what is it Lee..." Tenten was almost too afraid to ask. Last time Lee had a question on such a quiet day, the fifth hokage had to ban them from every pet store in Konoha.

"Where did i come from?" Neji, whom had just recovered from the bump to his skull, went int a Lee-induced coma. Tenten's face turned a light shade of pink.

"Uh, um, Lee? Why dont you ask..um...ask u-umm...Naruto!!! He should know!!" Tenten was trying to get out of explaining such things to Lee. The girl had chosen the first person's name that came to mind when she thought of the subject. She just wanted to eat the pretzels stashed in her back pockets and try to get Neji out of his coma. She was relieved when the Green Beast finally walked away after a few moments of staring.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Naruto was eating ramen, happily slurping away. The owner of a local ramen shop had made the mistake of giving his best customer a whole day of free ramen for the anniversary of the shop's opening. He was now just hoping that he wouldn't go bankrupt right as Lee stepped up to the orange ninja.

"Hey, Naruto...?" Lee was slightly surprised at how much ramen the boy was eating. He thought Naruto could eat way more!

"Yeah...Bushy..Brows?" Naruto had to speak in between slurps. He acted as if the ramen supply was going to run out by the next day. With him around, it probably would.

"Where did I come from?" Lee furrowed his brow, the two bushy caterpillars on his forehead bunched into one big, black, furry..thing.

Naruto nearly chocked on his ramen, "WHAT!? Im not telling you THAT!!"

"No!! I meant, my parents!! I cant seem to remember having any." Lee freaked for a few moments before finally composing himself. It was the truth, poor old Lee couldn't remember squat about anything. Memory loss, who would've known?

"Oooh, why ask me?" Naruto went back to slurping on his ramen.

"Could you at least ask Kyuubi if he ate them or something?"

"Sure." Naruto's features went blank for a few moments. Lee waited patiently for some sign of life from the blonde's body. After a few minutes, the rare moment of sleepiness he had experienced earlier crept back to Lee, causing him to yawn.

"Ah, nope. He cant recall ever eating a thick browed couple. Not even a bug eyed one." Lee bowed, unable to figure out wether he should feel insulted or not, before scurrying off to ask the next person that came to mind when he had any kind of particularly puzzling question.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gai Sensei was with Kakashi, bugging the hell out of the silver-haired ninja as usual. He was saying something along the lines of "You know, you would look really good in a green bodysuit!!", even though he had already mentioned this many times in the past. Many, MANY times. Lee came up to this scene with a look of utmost concentration on his face. Kakashi was slightly disturbed by his expression.

"Gai Sensei, where did I come from?" Gai Sensei was frozen in place as he moved to embrace his student in a 'hello' hug. Kakashi basically had a nosebleed and hurried on his way seeing as this was his only chance to escape anyway.

"Uh, uh...um...the-the STORK!!" Gai Sensei was frantically flailing about. Despite being the only father figure Lee had known for most of his life the man was still unable to cope with some aspects of this surrogate 'fatherhood' thing he got roped into.

"The stork?" Lee cocked his head like an adorable little puppy dog.

"I mean...um-uh..egg? LOTUS!? Uh..." Gai was speechless, Kakashi had since come back but was hiding on top of a nearby roof to watch the fun. "Oh my god...your mother!!" Gai was finally able to breathe a breath of relief, striking a particularly shaky nice Gai pose.

"Um...that's not exactly what I meant, youthful sensei..I meant, my parents. Where are they?" Lee tried his best not to sound too freaked about the mild panic attack his over-the-top sensei had just experienced. Anyone would feel the same, although, anyone who wasnt Lee would have probably run off screaming by then.

"Oh!! Why didn't you say so, Lee?" Gai was once more relieved greatly that he didn't have to take this conversation very much farther. He had to find that blasted copy ninja and preach the words of the spandex, after all! "Um..I dunno..your house?"

"My...house..." Lee stared off into space for a few moments, trying his best to muster any and all memories he had that didn't involve youth or spandex. Those came in short demand nowadays. "OH.MY.GOD!!! My house!!! I haven't been there in years because of training!!!!"

With that, Lee ran off to who-knows-where to finally meet his parents whilst Gai stood where he was, looking quite smug. "Lotus...what was I thinking?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lee burst in through his old front door, scaring the wits out of a thick browed couple sitting in the dining room. They looked remarkably like Lee, more so even than Gai, if that's possible. Only differences were that they didn't have bowl cuts or wear green spandex, their hair was very shiny though, as were their teeth.

"Beloved parents!! Im finally home!!!" he bellowed out with a smile and his arms open for an embrace whilst the couple continued to sport their "WTF" expressions.

After a couple of seconds, the couple finally recuperated after the mild heart attacks they had suffered and responded quite loudly at the same time as each other.  
**"OH MY GOD, WHO YOU BE!?"**


	4. Tenten Discovers a New Pairing

Tenten was online, not exactly a good place for a naruto character, but she never felt too bothered by any of the pairings. She could imagine herself with most of the men she was paired with, but not Kakashi. She couldn't figure that one out. Today she had discovered a new yaoi pairing for one of her teammates. She snickered as she read a few of the shorter fics for the couple.

After Tenten shut down her computer for the morning she went off to the regular training grounds. She was going to have a ball bugging Lee. When she got there, Neji noticed the look on her face. He knew no good was to come of this, and decided to ignore her since her gaze was on Lee and not himself.

"Hey Lee, guess what!" she stood beside the taijustu specialist, smiling in a way that both scared and disturbed him. He dare not ask what, but could not help himself.

"...w-what?"

"I was online and noticed that some fanfics had you paired with a certain somebody..." Lee stopped his punches now, knowing now that asking 'what' had indeed been a bad idea. He looked for a means of escape, but it was too late. Tenten had him too enthraled in her findings to let be able to let himself escape without finding out about this new pairing.

"Who? Is it my youthful cherry blossom, Sakura?!" the poor kid had himself all worked up now, bouncing slightly on his toes like a kid in a candy store. Gai Sensei was sleeping off a ways due to a 'quick' stop at the bar last night. Kakashi had happened to have been there, and a competition had ensued which ended up leaving the bar in shambles. Lee isn't the only one with Drunken Fist!

"No, Gaara!" the girl was now laughing, almost falling to the ground in her bellowing giggles of amusement. Lee on the other hand, looked like he did when Sakura had shot him down at the chunin exams, but he seemed sightly more distressed.

"WHAT!?! He tried to KILL me!! Why would they think that he would be a plausible pairing for me!!?!?" Tenten ignored him, finally falling to the ground. Neji couldn't help but burst out laughing as well, Lee was fuming.

"IM GOING HOME TO READ SAKULEE FICS!!" Lee stormed off, leaving Neji and Tenten leaning against each other to keep from falling to the earth again. Tenten came up with a brilliant idea, motioning for Neji to come closer so she could whisper it to him without Lee or the hangover-ing Gai Sensei hearing her.

It was now morning, the songbirds sang their little songs as Lee woke up. The sun shone brightly and Lee felt like today was going to be the best day in the world! He opened his small closet to get out his signature green jumpsuit, but found that it was full of black clothing resembling that of Gaara's. Lee knew this must be the work of Tenten, due to that little incident yesterday. He sighed as he put on the clothing. With his jumpsuits gone, he had nothing else to wear. Perhaps Gai Sensei would have an extra he could barrow...why did his forehead feel naked?

Lee went into his bathroom to have a look in the mirror to see why his forehead was feeling so light and chilly. The next sound heard throughout Konoha was a deafening scream of anger.

"TENTEN!!!!"

Tenten and Neji were sparring in the Team Gai training grounds, hearing the scream they began to giggle. Being as fast as he was Lee had raced there in less than two minutes. The two stopped and stared at him before bursting into laughing fits.

"Wait, wait!! One more thing..." Tenten walked over to Lee, ruffling his bowl-cut hair so that it was now spikey and unruly much like that of Naruto's. "That's better!!!" Tenten dropped to the ground in laughter. Gai Sensei walked over to see why his students were laughing without him, and when he saw Lee he burst out in sobs and dramatically dropped to his knees in despair.

"WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO MY YOUTHFUL STUDENT NOOOOO!!!!" tears ran down his face and his lower half went to the ground as well, Gai was now pounding his fists into the earth like an angry child.

Lee was now even more angry than before, thus completing his new look and causing his teammates to wail in laughter even louder.

Lee's hair had been colored red in his sleep, his large eyes were surrounded by dark black circles of eyeliner, and his giant eyebrows were missing. Tenten most likely waxed them off in his sleep as well. T complete his look, he had a green heart drawn on his now exposed forehead in green marker. To further the transformation, his clothes looked just like Gaara and his now-red hair was spiked just like Gaara's.

You would have thought it was Gaara is it weren't for the eye's shape. His glare just helped it look more authentic.

* * *

In Sunagakure, a similar but seemingly non-related event had taken place. Gaara was now being laughed at by his sister, whilst Kankuro had wisely chosen to hide in a closet.

Gaara's hair had been died black, and smoothed down with shiny hardening hair-gel. His clothes had been swapped with Lees, so he was now wearing a green jumpsuit. To top it off, his sister had gone to the lengths to cover his dark circles and tattooed forehead with skin-colored makeup and have fake eyebrows glued above his eyes all in his sleep.

When Gaara stalked off to sulk and perhaps plan his revenge, Temari picked up her cell phone that had been vibrating for some time whilst she laughed. She flipped the pink device open and put it o her ear, still laughing.

"Plan GaaLee was a -heh- success!!" she giggled to herself as she tried to compose herself.

"Did I get pictures? OF COARSE!! Ill e-mail them to you! You got some, too?" she spoke into her phone as softly as she could while holding back laughter.

"...awesome!! We'll swap them in e-mail and post them on our blogs! See ya!" she closed the phone and ran back to make sure Gaara didn't kill himself over the whole thing.

Tenten, on the other hand, shut her own cell phone after her chat with the sandy girl to continue her laughing at Lee whilst consoling Gai Sensei by informing him that the hair color wasnt permanent.


	5. Neji Likes Gum

Neji glared at Tenten. The girl kept trying to force him into trying something she picked up from the local shop, calling it 'bubblegum.'

"No, I do not want any." Neji gave her his famous death glare. He had just recently gotten an unapproved patent on the thing.  
**Hyuuga Deathglare**_**-Patent Pending-**_

"Oh, come on!! Its good!!!" Tenten replied as she blew another bubble, almost squealing as it burst all over her face. Once the sticky mess was removed, she pouted at Neji. "Fine. But I giving you this whole pack, ok?"

"Why? Im not going to try it." Neji's voice sounded distant and cold, with that look you would think he ate babies and kicked puppies for a living.

"One word love, curiosity. You long for flavor. You long to do eat you want to eat because you want it. To act on selfish impulse. You want to see what it tastes like. One day you won't be able to resist." Tenten smiled sweetly, like a teacher does before they hand you a paper you failed and tell you that you have to attend summer school. A look of pure evil, rivaling that of Neji's.

"Im keeping my previous answer," Neji growled at his teammate, "and Im never letting you watch another Pirates of the Caribbean movie again."

Tenten stuck her tongue out at Neji as she plopped the pack of gum in his hand and ran off at super-duper speed. Neji made a mental note to never bring her even close to a movie theater ever again. The Hyuuga looked down at the pack of gum

'_Juicy Fruit? ..thats an odd name.' _he looked around for any bystanders before reluctantly unwrapping a piece and looking it over. It didn't look bad, it was a pale yellow color and covered with some kind of sweet smelling dust. He sniffed the paice of gum deeply, frightening away Lee, whom was there for some reason. He looked around once more, as if he were about to do something illegal, before gingerly putting the stick of gum in his mouth.

It was...it was good!! He chewed slowly at first before chewing a bit more briskly and savoring the flavor. He remembered a trick Hinata had shown him and blew a small bubble. He broke a microscopic smile as somewhere in the underworld, Hell began to drop in temperature dramatically.

Later in the day, Neji arrived at training. He was chewing gum. Lee stopped his regular tree-abuse and looked at Neji with curiosity. Neji stopped right in front of Lee to stared at Tenten whom was magically right next to him. Tenten looked at Lee. Lee looked at Neji, Neji looked at Tenten, and Tenten looked at Lee. Gai Sensei arrived about half an hour into this and went to sit in the middle of the group in a small attempt to break the trance.

When that didn't work, he just kicked Lee for no real reason and that broke the chain. A brief flashback of Kakashi challenging Gai to kick Lee played in the insane man's mind. Tenten and Neji watched, amused, as Lee clutched himself (heh...) and rolled around in agony.

"Youthful students, to you are to run 300 laps around-" Gai was cut off by a chewing noise. Gai and his other two students (Lee heals quickly) turned to look at the Hyuuga whom promptly stopped chewing his gum.

"Neji, are you chewing gum?" Gai spoke with the tone of that one teacher you had in middle school who seemed to think you were the devil and that homework should never be explained, even when it doesnt have directions written on it.

"..no." Neji spoke innocently, you cant get real honesty like that anymore, can you?

"...then what is in your mouth?"

"Um..Im chewing my tongue."

"Like I haven't heard that," actually, he hadn't, "open your mouth."

Neji pouted and swallowed his gum. He vowed to kill Gai as soon as he finished with the main house.

"Okay, now for training! Today we will run 300 laps around the ramen shop and then make Jiraiya stay away from the bathhou-" Gai was cut off once more by a chewing noise.

"Neji, stop it!"

"Stop what?"

"Chewing gum!"

"What gum?" Neji's speech was slurred as if he had something in his mouth.

"The gum in your mouth!!!"

"I have no gum!! I only sound like this because I have a gum disease!!!"

"RAWRSAFAWDASDWFDEWER!!!" Gai screamed with an unbridled rage and preceded to kick Neji halfway to...China? Aren't they in China, or is it Japan?  
...I thought Lee was Chinese..he is? Its not proven? Well..I like to think he is. And lets say America because Japan is already halfway to China and vice-versa.

"Okay..." Gai trailed off before he was once more interrupted by chewing. He looked into the tree that Neji had been directly in front of only to find that there was a squirrel chewing gum sitting on the lowest branch. An explosion note on the squirrel then exploded, showering Tenten with squirrely goodness.

"...ON WITH THE MISSION!!!" Gai did a dynamic pose of some kind.

"HAI, GAI SENSEI!! IF I CANNOT KEEP THE PERVY SAGE AWAY FROM THE BATHHOUSE I SHALL RUN A THOUSAND LAPS AROUND NINKAME AND IF I DO NOT FINISH THE 300 LAPS AROUND THE RAMEN SHOP I SHALL BURN MY FOOT!!!" Lee lit a match which Tenten promptly put out. She seemed not to notice that her body was covered in squirrel.

"WHAT A DETERMINED AND YOUTHFUL STUDENT!!" I am going to skip the whole she of their hugging to avoid yelling. Lets just say that the excessive yelling burst Tenten's eardrums, and since Gai pays no attention to her, she ended up having to drag herself away.


	6. Kisame Hates Lee

Rock Lee sat happily under a lone tree in the heart of Konoha. He smiled for no real reason other than his love of life, and waved at citizens as they walked post. Some said "Hello," some waved, some smiled, and others still ran off to escape the potential conversation. The latter left Lee confused, but still quite happy. Shikamaru noticed Lee and, being a slow runner anyway, decided to chat, or more like speak, to the green boy.

"Hey, Lee...cant you fly or something with your superpowers?" Shikamaru had either gone crazy, or was bribed into saying something odd to Lee. A wad of cash in his pocket answered that question.

"I do not know, but I can try!!!" Lee jumped up enthusiastically and began to run in circles around the tree, making 'whooshing' noises, while Shikamaru passed on to wherever he was going earlier. All citizens now ran from Lee as they passed.

"Hey, if it isn't the un-super-powered one!!" the youthful beast stopped his running at the sound of the ever-frightening Ino.

"I am not un-super-powered. I have my gates...and my youth!!"

"Whatever." said Ino as she shrugged and walked off to find Shikamaru. Lee would never know why people said such odd things to him, but that didn't really matter to the little mop-top.

Thats when he saw Tenten walk past. She paused, looking at him, and then ran off quickly to escape her teammate.

Lee, being as fast and as ignorant as he was, began to fallow her. Only when she ran across a pond did he stop. He could not control his chakra, and was still unable to simply walk across. So he did the most plausible thing. He ran across as fast as he could, using the momentum and speed to stay afloat. On his way over, he stepped onto an odd trail of bubbles and passed a shadowy figure in the water. He could not help but step on said bubbles, as he could not turn when running this fast.

Tenten, on the other hand, was already across the pond by the time Lee had even reached it. She had taken up a seat on a large, blue bench. Lee walked up behind the bench and began to stare intently at Tenten.

"What, Rock Lee?" it was easily seen that she did not want to talk at the moment, seeing as how she used his full name and was making a silent fist. Lee actually noticed this, and knew better than to stick around.

"Nothing...I was just wandering around." he nervously slid past and startled to wander around aimlessly. Thats when he saw Kisame. The fish-man was wet, and quite angry. "Oh, hello."

Kisame must not have heard the youth's words, since he silently stepped up to the boy. He slowly removed a large Kunai from his pocket, and stabbed Lee in the arm. It took Lee a moment to notice, years of training with Tenten had made him slightly numb to pointy objects, the bleeding gash in his arm. He suddenly jumped with pain after a delayed wait.

"OW!! What was that for??" Kisame must not have heard him...again, due to the fact that he began to continuously stab Lee in various places. "HEY!!!" the boy began to run in circles, Kisame tailing him closely, and continued to be stabbed before he finally put some distance between him and the fish-man.

Lee hid behind a large rock in the center of a group of people. Sasuke, Naruto, and Shino were converging on this point for one reason or another.

"Shhh, I dont exist...if a shark-man asks if Im here...Im not...because I dont exist..." Lee whispered nervously to the young ninjas.

"Yeah you do." said Naruto.

"No I dont."

"Whatever..." said Sasuke as he turned back to his brooding. Shino was oddly silent during this enlightening conversation.

"Hi, greeny." said a mysterious voice.

This was when Kisame came from nowhere to continue the attack. Lee squealed as he ran past the now confused ninja and over many more ponds and lakes before finally putting more distance between him and Kisame, he had actually managed to end up in front of Tenten again.

"Help!!" yelled the bleeding and breathless Lee. He had little time to explain before Kisame came from behind and stabbed him once more. Lee did another run-around before returning to Tenten. "HELP!!!" he got stabbed once more by an abusing fish-man.

On the third round-trip, Tenten merely picked Lee up like a sack of potatoes, without question, and marched him to the ramen shop, which was closed for the day. Bars were up around the inside of the counter to keep out hungry orange ninjas, which is where Lee was tossed.

"He cant get you in there." she once more sounded annoyed as she took a seat at the bar.

"But...I cannot get out..."

"Thats the point...why is he chasing you, anyway?"

"That is the problem, I do not know!!" Lee began to cry a rive of anime tears. Tenten shook her head as she left the bar, telling Lee a quick 'goodbye' as she ran home to escape this confusing situation. Lee was now all alone, that is, until Sakura happened to walk past.

"SAKURA-CHAN!!! Help!! A crazy shark-man is trying to kill me and Im stuck in here!!!" sobbed Lee while he grabbed at the air through the bars much like that of a convict.

"Hmmm...I saw him just down there. Let me go ask what's wrong." the Cherry Blossom scurried off before Lee could stop her, most likely scurrying to her death. Much to Lee's surprise, she returned after five minutes.

"OH, SAKURA-CHAN!!" sobbed Lee once more.

"He said you messed up his name. He was writing it in the water with bubbles," Lee was speechless, trying to figure out why one would write their name in bubbles, "and then you came and stepped on it. He said you messed it up bad, and he is going to kill you."

"What!?!? It wasnt that bad!!!" squealed Lee.

"I know, he must be feeling more evil than normal today." Sakura opened the cage at this point, freeing Lee from his noodley prison. No one knew how Sakura knew Kisame enough to know how evil he was on a daily basis, but no one really cared. That is when Kisame returned.

"DONT HURT ME!!!" screamed Lee as he made a mad dash to the top of a soda machine nearby. Kisame laughed.

"I lost my weapon."

Lee wouldn't talk, or come down. He did not trust this over-grown piece of sushi.

"Its true." Kisame emptied his pockets, revealing that he wasnt fibbing.

"Now, get down here so I can hurt you." said Sakura, effectively keeping Lee on his perch.

"Hey, lets go find some money for a new weapon!" cried Kisame enthusiastically, Sakura nodded. They both skipped off happily to get more weapons of mass-youth destruction, and when they were out of sight, Lee jumped down from the soda machine. He ran to the only safe place he knew.

"GAI SENSEI!!!!!" Lee called out as he entered the training grounds.

"LEE!!!!" screamed Gai as he stopped his endless kicking of a tree.

"GAI SENSEIII!!!" Lee began to cry as the two began to run at each other.

"LEEEEE!!!!!!" they met in a hug.

"Gai Sensei, a crazy shark-man stabbed me a million times and Tenten locked me in the ramen shop and then Sakura came and told me I messed up the shark-man's name in the water and then she let me out but the shark-man came back and did not stab me so I climbed onto a soda machine and then he skipped off with Sakura because she is helping him get more weapons because he lost his and when they are done they are going to hurt me more!!!!"

"HOW UNYOUTHFUL!!!!" cried Gai, hugging Lee tighter.

"WHAT SHOULD I DO????" cried Lee, whom also tightened his grip and sobbed louder.

"LETS...LETS GET SMOOTHIES!!!!!" howled Gai as he held Lee out in front of him!!!

"HAI, SENSEI!!!" the two then merrily skipped off to get smoothies at the local smoothie place.

Kisame and Sakura returned, unable to find them, and went on to stab Neji until Lee and gai returned. When they did, Kisame, Sakura, and Neji all attacked and killed them. Team Gai now lives a peaceful life, and Kisame finished writing his name in bubbles.


	7. Rock Lee, Where You Be?

**When you need a jumpstart, look to the fans.  
****Thanks to lulgijak for throwing this idea at me. X3  
****And I've got a few unfinished chappies I should finish sometime soon. Expect more updates for this. **

**P.S Sorry for the song choice...I saw a flash involving Tobi and liked the music...heh. ;  
****And, this was written around an hour or maybe a bit more after I first read lulgijak's**** comment today. I suck**

**P.S.S I GOTTED A NEW E-MAIL FOR THIS ACCOUNT SO IF YOU EVER SENT ME A MESSAGE AND GOT NO REPLY, WELL, YOU WILL GET ONE NOW IF YOU SEND ME SOMETHING. X3  
****...I do kinda take requests on this fic...but I suck at romances...and angsts...Im only good for a laugh.  
Like a whoopie cusion. T.T**

* * *

"Okay, so, my third-uncle's-uncle-twice-removed died this morning and he happened to leave me his wonderful mansion!!!!!!"

Gai flashed his signature smile and thumbs-up pose. Team Gai stood solemnly in front of him, in their normal formation. Tenten taking up the left with a look of utter confusion as to why Gai had taken her precious pointy thing from her hand before this mini-meeting, Neji in the middle practically foaming at the mouth at the mention of the word 'uncle' more than once in one sentence, and Lee taking up the right end with a look of total exuberance and happiness at his sensei's new happening in his life.

"Excuse me, Sensei..." Neji had managed to snap himself out of his foaming trance-like state of uncle oddness, "If your...lets call him your uncle," Neji twitched, "died just this morning...then why didnt you go to his funeral?"

"ARE YOU KIDDING!!??!? He was my unlce's UNCLE and TWICE-REMOVED to BOOT! LIKE ID GO TO HIS FUNERAL!! Phff...what do I look like? CRAZY???" Gai crossed his arms and acted like a preteen schoolgirl whom had just gotten her clothing insulted. Which meant he was pouting with his arms crossed.

"Just asking..." Neji therefore shrunk into his pants for fear that his crazed sensei would eat his soul.

"Okay...but why are you telling us this, Sensei?" Tenten now had a new pointy object, scrounged up from the deep and dank depths of her highly unused pockets. She was currently multitasking, attempting to squash neji with this new object and laughing as he ran in circles in his own pants.

"Because..." Gai took part in a pose in which he knelt down partially and held his chin, "WE MUST STAY THERE OVERNIGHT!!!" Gai jumped into the air at the second part of his sentence.

"What!? I have kung-foo lessons at nine!!!!" Everyone looked at Tenten with a look of utter confusion on their faces. Why a ninja would need kung-foo lessons would forever be a mystery.

"Yes!! And, we shall go there this minute!! I have already youthfully packed your overnight supplies. Underpants, toothpaste/brush, clothes, small pies, and a sleeping bag!!"

"YAY SENSEI!!!1" screamed Lee.

And as the two beasts skipped down the yellow brick road to their mysterious mansion destination, Neji and Tenten exchanged glances before sighing and slowly trailing behind their two partners. At least it was kind of a paid vacation.

* * *

"Is it not it youthful!??!?!" yelled Gai as he stood in front of a large, broken down old house. It was painted completely black and the yellow brick road they had been fallowing had turned a bloody red about a mile from the destination. 

"If youthful means wonderful and wonderful means terribly horrible and frightening...then, yeah...youthful..." Tenten stared up at the three-story Victorian home, amazed by how it defied the laws of nature and had a lone storm cloud looming over it's broken roof. The once-blue sky even abruptly broke off into a blackish-grey color at the same point the yellow road turned bloody.

"Wonderful!!!" yelled Gai once more as he marched toward the front door. Lee skipped happily at his side and Tenten and Neji continued their slow trek behind them.

Once inside, they noticed that the few bits of furniture inside the joint were in the same, if not worse, shape than the mansion itself. It was fully furnished with grey, ripped, tattered, and torn furniture which smelled of pancakes and rotten fish. Gai smiled happily as he sat on a love-seat which promptly turned to dust.

"AND THAT IS WHY WE HAVE SLEEPING BAGS!!!" screamed Gai as he rubbed his bum. Although the furniture was soft and made of dust, the floor was hard and made of an ancient and blackened cherry.

"That panting...there is some one behind it...they are watching us..." Neji looked up at a painting above a disused fireplace, his Byakugen in effect. It's eyes watched them and fallowed Lee's movements. Lee ran in circles to evade the gaze and finally succeeded when they heard a load thump, 'Oomph!', and Neji mention that the person watching them had fallen over dizzily

"GOOD NIGHT, EVERYONE!! DREAM OF YOUUUTTTHHH!!!" yelled Lee. Gai flashed his a nice-guy pose from the door across from his, and Neji and Tenten glared from their respective doors before closing them.

* * *

Lee lay happily in his sleeping bag in his room. Shadows dance menacingly on the walls, a creepy tree scratched at his window, and the Creeper watched silently from the corner. Lee smiled happily and he squeezed his Sakura plushy closer to his body as he slept. He only woke when some one kicked him. 

"YES, I WOULD LIKE SOME TEA MRS.ROCK!!!!" screamed Lee as he shot up from his dream. He was either dreaming of his non-existent mother or the wife he'd probably never have. He looked up at his kicker with tired eyes, which widened as he saw the man's face.

"OH MY GOD, ITS CHUCK NORRIS!!!" screamed Lee as he ran out of his room to begin banging on Gai's door. The Chuck Norris look-alike slowly crept up behind him before Gai opened his door.

"ARGH!! MY SECOND RIVAL FOR ALL ETERNITY!! YOU RETURN!!!" Gai promptly kicked the man in the face before kicking down Neji's and Tenten's doors.

"What is- OH MY GOD, CHUCK NORRIS!!!" Tenten began to swoon, grossing out Lee, Neji, and Gai. Neji also noticed this odd being and pointed at him. All was quiet. Neji continued to point, his eye twitched. He slowly picked up Tenten, whom had frozen in a fangirl state, motioned to Lee and Gai to begin to move away, and began to back up after them and continue his pointing. He then broke into a run which prompted a trippy music montage of everyone running through doors, Chuck slamming revolving ones, a tea party, and Gai and Chuck Norris having a push-up competition in which Chuck moved the earth. Gai fell down and continued running.

Let us now sing.

**_I am really special 'cause there's only one of me.  
Look at my smile, I'm so damn happy, the people are jealous of me.  
When I'm sad and lonely, I like to sing this song.  
__It cheers me up and shows me that I won't be sad for long_**

"What the hell is up with that music???" yelled Neji as he ran from a screaming Chuck Norris beside Tenten.

"How would I know? Just run!!" was the answer he got, which worked for him since Chuck had just acquired a chainsaw.

**_Oh, oh, oh, I'm so happy, I can barely breathe!  
Puppy dogs and sugar frogs and kittens, baby teeth!  
Watch out all you mothers, I'm happy as hardcore!  
Happy as a coupon for a $20 whore_!!**

"SENSEI, WHAT IS A WHORE??" yelled Lee as he rode on his sensei's shoulders.

"ILL TELL YOU WHEN YOUR LESS YOUTHFULL!!" yelled Gai. They were being chased by a million Chuck Norris's...es...s... And as they went through a door, Lee ended up being too tall. He smacked into the top of the frame, fell to the ground, and was trampled by the millions of Chucks.  
_  
**I'm really happy, I'm sugar coated me.  
Happy, good, anger, bad, that's my philosophy!**_

"I can't do this, man. I'm not happy...!!" cried Neji, he was promptly poke by Chuck whom had replaced his chainsaw with a pitchfork. A brown Great Dane was now riding on his back.

"Rut roh...ropywrite rinfringrent!!"

**I am really special, 'cause there's only one of me!  
Look at my smile, I'm so damn happy, the people are jealous of me!  
These are my love-handles, and this is my spout,  
but if you tip me over, than mama said knock you out!!**

The team was having a peaceful tea party as the wretched music stopped playing. Then it started again, and Chuck became angered and continued the chase.  
_  
**I am special, I am happy, I am gonna heave!  
Welcome to my happy world, now get your ---- and leave!  
I am happy, I am good, I am..**_

"Screw you!" yelled Neji as he kicked a conveniently placed Jukebox, smashing it into a million pieces. Chuck stopped his raving and swiped some sweat from his forehead.

"Thank god, that music's been chasing me all day..." he never got to say more as he was then sat on by everyone but Neji.

"Ill bet he's Farmer Jenkins!!" yelled Lee as Tenten removed the mask.

"KAKASHI!!" yelled everyone.

"Jenkies!!" said Tenten.

"Zoinks!" said Lee.

"Well, gang. I guess we solved that mystery." said Neji, puffing out his chest although all he did was run.

"I hope so, he messed up my hair..." said Gai as he patted his ruffled bowl-cut down. A laugh track started and everyone looked around for the source.

"I just wanted to run Gai off a cliff!!" yelled Kakashi. Everyone but Lee and Gai suddenly looked ashamed, the prospect was too good to really happen, "And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasnt for you meddling youths! AND THAT DAMN TURTLE!!" Gai's red turtle smiled from the back of the room, clearly oblivious to the fact that he did nothing to help either.

"Wait...if Tenten gets to be Velma...Lee is Shaggy...Neji's Fred...and Ninkame's Scooby...then that makes me...hey...I DO NOT WANT TO BE A REDHEAD!!!!" Gai was about to yell horrible things before some 80's orchestra music interrupted him while the scene faded out.


	8. Lee's Diary

**Heh, dug this up after I went through some old files. XD  
I suppose it has been thought up by a million people before this, though.  
As Ive said before...Im so unoriginal. T.T  
****

* * *

**Dear Diary,

Today was a wonderful, youthful, ding-doggy day! The sun shown real bright and gave me a sunburn, though. But, I took it as a challenge! 

'_How dare you burn my skin!!'_ I yelled. The evil sun did not respond because it was afraid of my youthful ninja power_ 'I challenge you to a staring contest!!!'_

I then had a staring contest with the sun. The sun won, and I preceded to do 100,000,000,000 pushups underwater. I dont remember much after that. But, I did wake up on the shoreline. Neji was all wet for some reason and Sensei looked like he was going to cry for reals! Tenten was in a tree sleeping.

I smiled when Neji looked at me with what could only be affection when I sat up and hugged Sensei. I thought _'Neji most likely would love a youthful hug!!' _as I reached out and embraced him. His face turned a happy shade of red while he smiled and showed all of his teeth!! He hugged me back, but I guessed he missed because I suddenly felt a my neck tightening.

'_Neji!! If you wanted a hug then do it properly and do not choke me!!' _I yelled while Sensei just watched with a confused expression. Then Tenten fell out of the tree after being woken up by something. I do not know what, because I know of nothing that was being loud!

She looked at me with a look of admiration while Neji continued his hug and my face felt like it was going to explode from the youth! He let go when Tenten came over and kicked me back into the water. And, that was my wonderful, youthful day!!!

* * *

Lee closed his small book while Tsunade walked into his hospital room. Gai Sensei was freaking out like he always did whenever Lee was hurt very badly. She examined the young boy, whom was wearing casts on both his legs and had a neck brace on.

"Same old, same old?" Shizune asked nervously while Tsunade took great pleasure in tapping on Lee's cast painfully.

"Yeah, 50 50 chance that he'll die..yadda yadda. And by now, I've perfected the surgery! Now I can do it in under a minute!!" Tsunade then preceded with the operation which was, as always, a success. Lee and Gai did their normal ritual of skipping away merrily until the next week when some other thing happened to drag Lee into Tsunade's office.

Stupid kid seemed to be fallowed by bad luck.

And Gai kept hitting on Shizune.

'_Shizune's __**MINE**__, bitch!! You cant take her, I cant afford to lose her cooking skills...' _thought Tsunade as the group watched her curiously. They would never know why she made such hateful faces so randomly...


End file.
